Is It Really Possible To Live Your Dream Life?
Updated: Sep 26, 2019
In short.., yes.
I know, I am doing it.
Less than two months ago I made a simple but life changing decision. I said yes to an opportunity that would allow me to bring my dreams into reality. Now after really experimenting with the limits of my world, I can confidently share my findings. I am a traveling meditation teacher. I guide people through their fears with stillness and movement. I give people from all over the world the space to unlock their truest potential through dancing and sitting still, silence, breath work and sound. I love my life. My dreams are now my plans and nothing is to big or adventurous to tackle. This is my personal story. We are all truly unique, however I have no doubt this story will resonate with and hopefully inspire quite a few of you.
How Did I Get Here?
Almost exactly one year ago I reached a breaking point. After years of toing and froing with stress, drugs and partying, I hit a very hard wall. My body had had enough. I was hit with a come down like no other. I was to sick to leave my house and I couldn’t sleep. I was forced into a detox that left me physically and mentally exhausted. I was at a cross roads. Either I let this be the end of me or I take the hard road out. Honestly I had no idea if I could do it but I was out of things to lose.
I won’t lie, the next few months were not fun. It took weeks to be able to sleep a whole night through without being loaded. I turned to what I knew. Yoga. I found my space and my teachers. I practiced religiously. I would sometimes go to three classes a day, taking long walks in between to drain my body and mind of all their energy. It was punishment for what I’d done and it was the only way I could sleep. I turned to yin yoga to face my inner world. For those unfamiliar, yin is a practice that involves holding deep stretches for long periods of time. For anyone with a busy mind it can be torture. Fortunately for me my ego was no longer strong enough to fight.
Eventually I started to find some peace. I could go out with friends and feel no pressure to take anything or drink anything. I began to dance again. I began to live again. I got to a point where I could see a future. I once again had dreams.
It was great to feel somewhat ‘normal’ again but could there be more? The momentum I had found in my surge up out of my hole was not yet ready to settle. I quit my job. I sold all my things and I moved to India. I had been to India before but each time I had a rough plan and an end date. This time I was going to just let it take me. Let it break me down so that I could be reborn into the person I am today. This time I had no intention of coming back. The lessons that ensued have left me more grateful than ever for this wild part of the world.
What If Every Day Was A Good Day?
My understanding of a what makes ‘good life' has changed somewhat. When I was eighteen I unknowingly committed to a way of life that’s been coined ‘enlightened hedonism’. I had made the conscious decision to chase pleasure and not let anything negative into my life. I meet a lot of people following this same ideology. All of them struggling to truly enjoy life to it’s full extent. This is simply because life is hard. None of us are born with an instruction manual. None of us is born with the knowledge to make every decision perfectly. So, inevitably we suffer.
What if I told you that now my secret is that I embrace suffering? What if I told you now that I am living my dream, I’ve never worked harder? What if I told you I still have plenty of low days but now I see them for the beautiful lessons they are?
It’s possible you’ll think I’m mad. My answer to that is that I am. To quote the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland, “all the best people are”. I’m mad because now I choose the harder option in any given situation. I’m mad because I no longer follow the rules laid out for me. I’m happy because I see the beauty in hardship. I’m at peace because I know that no matter how hard things get, we have every ability to live the life we’ve always dreamed of.
Two months ago I took a risk and spent my last few hundred dollars on the rent of a yoga studio in India. I knew the season was nearly over and soon I’d be fighting the monsoons. Since then I’ve had to face more demons then I ever imagined. Since then I have found a light and a strength inside of me I never knew about. From the day we are born we suffer in some way. The difference now is my suffering is my driving force forward. I get excited to feel the joy on the other side of every wall I meet.
So, what if every day was a good day? Well for me it’s meant a big change in beliefs. It has inspired an even larger dream. My life is far from perfect but perfection is no longer my goal. I find myself laughing and smiling more than I ever thought possible. I gauge success on the quality of my connections rather than the number of friends I have.
It is easy to post these values online for everyone to see, living them is a different story. If you really do find the goodness in every day, you’ll find those around you are happier too. Your belief in a good life will become contagious.
How Do You Conquer Fear?
Well, you could do what I did and let things get so bad that you no longer have the strength to even ask the question. Or you can begin to work with your fear right now. Understanding why it is there and what it means to your life. My life is still filled with fear. The difference now is I get excited when I am scared. I look for things that push me because I have seen the incredible effects of leaving your comfort zone.
I work a lot with the concept of ‘the ego’. The ego does not like change. The ego is there to protect you but it does so out of fear. I have written about this in depth before. Essentially you have to prove to your ego that your true self is strong. Stronger than you could ever imagine. This is a simple process of repetition. Like a gym routine. Small movements repeated regularly can have huge results.
Start small. Take a minor fear that is connected to a big fear. You may have fears around sharing yourself with others. Start small by telling a friend a little secret about yourself that isn’t a big deal anymore. As you learn to cope with the smaller things, eventually with enough practice the big things become more comfortable. For me I had all sorts of fears around sharing my shameful addictions with others. Slowly I started talking about my drinking, then about cocaine, now I am comfortable talking about the voice I would hear inside my head that would yell at me as I tried to get sober. I have moved on to sharing stories about my addictions to porn and the trauma that it caused in my sex life. I started small and now complete honesty is rarely an issue. This is just one example but the same theory applies to all fears. Once you start you enter a wild world of breaking down barriers in your life. Once you start working with fear, your life will never be the same.
I Am Not Afraid of Anything, I Just Can’t Seem to Get My Ideas Off the Ground.
Why do you think that is?
How do you feel about being scared?
Do you see fear as a negative thing?
Take your time with these questions.
Now I know we are not all born into equal circumstances. Some of us are born into great wealth and opportunity, some into poverty. For most of us we sit somewhere in the middle. We are born into a world of incredible possibility. We have amazing technologies, education systems and it is only getting easier to do the things our parents couldn’t even dream about.
So why are most of us stuck?
Fear can be unconscious.
I’ve been asked by a few people now if I do any meditations that have a positive focus. This really made me think. At first I thought, wow, why are all my meditation classes negative? I then noticed a trend. The people that were questioning ‘negative’ practices were the ones really struggling during the classes. I would be guiding a yin class, where the intention is to find stillness, and would have some people almost constantly moving and looking around at everyone else. These same people were the ones telling me they had no fears. My work involves making people very uncomfortable. Facing your fears will make you about as uncomfortable as you can get. If stillness makes you uncomfortable perhaps it’s not the stillness but the quiet that comes with it. The same goes with movement. I guide a dancing meditation where the intention is to let go into the fullest physical expression possible. Can you guess what the ‘fearless’ people do? They stand still, battling an internal resistance for an hour while others are jumping around and shouting. The same questions arise at the end of the class.
Certainty is safety. We may feel our lives are free from fear and worry because we never stray to far from our zone of certainty. The unknown is scary, our ideas, our dreams, they lie outside of what we know for sure. For myself and many others the barrier is the same. We have many amazing ideas but we just can’t seem to get to them. Something always comes up. Money, family, health or some other responsibility gets in the way. We see fears as a negative thing so we stray away from them, living where we feel confidence. I’d like to offer an alternative, courage. We value confident people so highly in our society, placing those so sure of themselves on pedestals we only wish we could reach. How about courageous people? What if we strove to be like the people who despite all the barriers, despite all the fear and uncertainty shaking them to their very core, keep taking on each challenge that comes their way.
If you believe it is not fear but circumstance that is blocking your progress, I wish you all the endurance in the world. Circumstances will never allow you to create your dream life. Your dream life is created when you understand that circumstance has nothing to do with it.
Your Dream Life Has Already Begun.
The most unhelpful question I come across is what is stopping you?
There will always seem to be a long list of things stopping you. You will always be in your own way to an incredible life.
Your dream life starts the moment you stop looking for anything outside of yourself. Your dream life starts when you understand that everything you’ve gone through so far, has simply been preparing you to make the change inside. You can do this now or you can keep searching. You can tell yourself this whole article was a waste of time. If you have read this far perhaps you are ready. Perhaps you like what I’ve said but are still a little unsure of what to do next.
This Is Where My Dream Comes In.
My dream is to be able to help others find this beautiful way of looking at the world. This ability to look fear in the eyes and take on the world with love and excitement. To live beyond what the most outrageous Hollywood screen writer could create. It is going to require hard work. It is going to be painful. But it is worth every tear and every minute of lost sleep. I can’t explain how good it feels to no longer question what it is that I am doing with my life and why. Now the only important question is how. If you truly want to take that next step into the unknown then I can help.
Get in touch, send me a message and tell me your dreams and your fears. Tell me what you’d like to work on, no matter how big or small. I work with the mind, the body and your energetic being to guide you forward. You can find me here at Pono Healing.